A Reason To Live
by Hyperion-Queen
Summary: Seifer gets accepted back in garden, much to the dismay of a lot of people. Feeling unwanted, Seifer tries to kill himself. Will he succeed, or will someone intervene and stop him before it's too late? Irvine/Seifer


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VIII... just this plot. Nope. No money being made here.

**Pairing:** IrvinexSeifer ZellxSquall

**Warnings: **A Yaoi and it will have language and attempted suicide, depression, angst

**Summary:**Seifer gets accepted back in garden, much to the dismay of a lot of people. Feeling unwanted, Seifer tries to kill himself. Will he succeed, or will someone intervene and stop him before it's too late?

**A/N:** Hey! I just thought of this story. I thought it sounded good. You don't really see any IrvinexSeifer pairings so I thought I'd go ahead and write one! I hope you enjoy it.

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**A Reason To Live**

"Hey, what ya guys wanna do tonight?" asked a hyper active male known as Zell Dincht.

It was the end of the week, and they always got together and did something together as a group. It was actually Selphie's idea to start doing this.

"Hmm..." Selphie Tilmitt trailed off in though, tapping her chin."Oh! I know." She snapped her fingers, a grin on her face.

"What is it, darlin'?" Irvine Kinneas asked her, tipping his hat up slightly.

She just grinned in his direction. "How about we go to that club that just opened up?" She loved going to clubs. It was her thing, and she would go whenever she could.

They blinked at her. Zell looked thoughtful for a moment. That wasn't such a bad idea, actually. He enjoyed going to the clubs as much as she did. He looked at the rest of the group, who looked to be thinking it over as well.

"Well," Quistis Trepe started, smiling at the copper haired girl. "That would be fun, Selphie." She also looked to the gang, who nodded with her in agreement. Well, seems like they have a plan for tonight then.

"Alright," the gunman agreed, nodding to her. He enjoyed going out himself.

"Alright" Selphie grinned, clapping her hands together in excitement. She loved getting her way.

"Squall? You haven't said anything," she said, waiting for him to say something.

Squall Leonhart looked at them all, not feeling particularly up for going out tonight. He'd much rather stay in, but they always seemed to drag the poor brunet against his will. See, he wasn't the social type; he always kept to himself, and didn't like to be around people that much. It was just the way he was. They always planned something every Friday and invited him to go, and when he would refuse, they'd con him into it anyway.

"Squall? Do you think that's a good idea?" Zell inquired of him when he still hadn't responded.

Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose. No, he didn't think this was a good idea. Why couldn't they just stay in and do something? He really didn't want to go, but he knew it was inevitable. So, he nodded. "Yeah," was all he said as an answer.

"Yeah! That's great. We'll have so much fun," Selphie beamed at them, a big grin on her face.

"Okay Sel. Calm down," Irvine told her, chuckling at her antics. He and Selphie used to date before and a little after the war. They were happy for a little while. But then, after a few months after the war, they had figured out that they didn't love each other as much as they use to. It was a mutual decision to breakup and they had just remained good friends. Their friends were shocked to say the least, but they had accepted that and gave them their support.

They still had love for one another, but it was a friendship kind of love. Selphie loved Irvine like a big brother.

Well, truth be told, there was another reason as to why his love for her had faded. Selphie had figured it out before they had broke up. And surprisingly, she was very understanding of it. It's one of the reasons he had liked her in the first place. Needless to say, he was surprised she had figured it out. He had thought he was being subtle about his feelings. He didn't realize that he had been obvious about it. She was the only person who knew.

"Irvine?"

There was actually somebody else he had his eyes on. It was weird. He had never thought he would have feelings for this person. At first he thought it was a fluke. He was confused at first. He didn't understand it. How the hell can he have feelings for this person? But now, he knew that his feelings for the other were real.

He still didn't fully understand how his feelings came about.. it just seemed to happen. It still confused the auburn haired man.

"Irvine?!"

The voice of Zell jolted him out of his thought and he blinked, now realizing that he had been out of it. "Huh?"

"You okay, man?" Zell looked worriedly at him, frowning. It wasn't like the other man to be so out of it. "You just kinda spaced off there on us."

"Yeah, Zell," he shrugged, grinning, acting like nothing was wrong.

The tattooed man gave him a doubtful look. "Sure."

"Hey, guys?" The hyper girl interrupted anything else that could have been said between them.

"What?" the short blond coked his head to the side, giving her a questioning look.

"Do you think we should invite Seifer?"

"What?! Why?" Zell angrily asked, crossing his arms. "He's always an ass. Why would you wanna invite him for?"

"Zell!" the blond girl scolded.

"What? I'm just saying; why would she invite him to come along. I mean, am I the only one who knows what an arrogant ass Seifer is?"

"Zell," Irvine piped up, narrowing his brown eyes at the shorter man. "I think Selphie has a point. We should at least invite him." He looked over a few tables down where the taller blond was sitting by himself. He was usually sitting by himself nowadays.

"Yeah, Zell. I mean, he doesn't really have any friends—well, except for Raijin and Fujin, but they got jobs elsewhere. And he doesn't really talk to anyone around garden," Selphie added. "I think it's a nice thing to do."

Zell grumbled to himself. She did have a point, but still, it doesn't change the fact that Seifer was an ass all those years, and bullied people. Oh, and not to mention he always called Zell a chicken-wuss. "Fine." He sat back down, sighing. Him and the taller blond had never really been friends, but he guessed she did have a valid point. He still didn't completely like the idea of Seifer coming along, but he could hardly refuse. The girl was very persistent when she wanted to be.

"I think that's a great idea, Selphie," Quistis nodded her head. "Who's going to ask him?"

They all looked over at Zell. "No!" He stubbornly said, crossing his arms and looking away from the eyes that seemed to haunt him.

The shorter girl pouted. "Aww."

"I'll do it," the gunman said, receiving weird looks for the whole lot—except for Selphie. "What?"

Zell shook his head. "Good luck with that." That earned him a whack in the head from the copper haired girl. "Ow. What was that for?" he whined.

She just have him a look and then turned her attention to her ex-boyfriend. "Okay. Irvy. You do it."

"Alright." He got up and walked over to the other man, who simply looked up at him as he heard footsteps approaching him. Seifer—being who he was, was constantly on guard. It was a known fact that there were some people in garden that was not happy with his return, and he had been in several fights because of it. So, he always kept his guard up.

"Hey," Irvine greeted with a nod.

Seifer gave him a look, which made the latter fidget under that stare. "Is there something you wanted, Irvine?"

"Oh..." He snapped back to the present, inwardly cursing himself. "Yeah.." he trailed off, seeing Seifer waiting for him to state what brought him over to his table in the first place.

"Well?" Seifer asked, getting impatient with the other man.

"Uh, well, the gang and I get together every Friday and do something. And tonight we are going to this club.. and we wanted to know if you wanted to go with us?" He let out his breath and waited for the blond to respond.

Seifer stared at him for a moment before his replied. "You said you get together every Friday?" At his nod, Seifer went on. "Hm, and it's taken you this long to ask me?" Seifer chuckled without any humor to it. "No thanks."

"Seifer-"

"I don't want your fucking pity," Seifer snapped, cutting him off before he said anything else.

"It's not-"

"Whatever. I'm leaving." Seifer got up and walked off, leaving Irvine to stare at his retreating form, feeling guilty. He walked back over to them and gave them a sheepish look.

"So? How'd it go?" Selphie asked as he came to sit next to her.

He gave her a look. "He just walked off." He looked down at the table for a moment.

"He doesn't like pity," Squall said, startling everyone. "He thinks it's because of pity that you asked him." They all gave him looks, and he just stared back. Squall knew Seifer well. He knew he would think that's all it was.

"That's ridiculous!" Selphie stated, looking angry. "It's not pity."

"I think Squall's right," the blond headed instructor said next, gaining the attention of the group.

"Hm," Irvine looked thoughtful.

"Well, I guess he's not going?" Zell piped up, and every gave him looks, and he just looked down, muttering to himself.

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Seifer was taking swings with his gunblade, letting off some steam. He had come here after he talked with Irvine. Why the hell would they even want to do anything with him anyway? He sliced another grat.

He didn't really have any friends here, so he didn't know why he was even here. It wasn't like anyone really wanted him here. His presence when he returned caused a lot of people to be angry and protest, but Squall overruled them and let him back in. He was not well liked after the war, and even before then, he was a bully.

So really; why was he here? He knew that if he didn't come back no one would give a shit. No one would even notice his absence. He didn't have any friends, he didn't really do anything anymore. What kind of life did he have now? One of solitude? He always kept to himself, not wanting to bother anyone with his problems.

He knew that this was a mistake—coming back there was a mistake. What had he been thinking? That he would be accepted? He scoffed. Accepted? Yeah right. No one accepted him. He didn't even talk to anyone around there. His presence in garden was not wanted and he knew this. Maybe he shouldn't have come back. Should have just stayed away. Hyne, look at what he'd become.

This wasn't like him. But he couldn't help but think that. He was pathetic. Yeah.. pathetic was what he was. Thinking like this, being broody. He hated himself and what he'd done.

Maybe he should just save everyone the trouble and end it himself. He sighed and ran a hand through his blond hair, seeing sweat glistening off of his skin. "Damn. Fuck, I'm pathetic." He spoke the truth; he had become some pathetic wuss.

He looked at his blade—his Hyperion, running a left hand down the long blade. He frowned. It would be so easy to take this and end his life. That thought had actually played though his mind before, but he never actually attempted to do it before. Why? Well, he wasn't honestly sure. He didn't know why he hadn't. But... maybe he should. Stop being being a wuss and just fucking do it.

There was blood on his blade and he wiped it away, thinking. It would save someone else the trouble of doing it. And that way nobody would have to deal with his presence anymore. The thought was appealing to him.

He narrowed his eyes and glared at nothing in general. What the hell was wrong with him? He growled to himself.

Finally, he sighed irritably and lowered his blade, turning the tip towards himself. He knew it would be easy. All he had to do was aim it and ram it through him. He took the gunblade and decided to just get it over with. He aimed the tip to his stomach, inhaling deeply. He knew he had to do this. Knew there was no other way.

He had spent his time back here confining himself, being provoked into fights. He didn't want to live like this. And, he knew this was the only way out. He was tired of his life and tired of people hurting him.

He got a good grip on his blade and started pressing forward, gasping as the tip wen into his skin a little bit. He looked down and saw blood coming out of his stomach where he had stuck the blade. He pressed further, grunting in pain as it went deeper and deeper. He knew there was no way out of this now... it was too late.

He hissed as it went even deeper, blood was starting to pour out of him. "Shit." He was feeling dizzy by this point and knew it wouldn't be long before he fell into death. He rammed it the rest of the way though, blood starting to come out of his mouth. He gave a week smirk and suddenly his world went black.

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**A/N:** Hey! Well, what do you think? I worked hard on this chapter and I hope you enjoy it. I had planned to make this a one shot, but then it became longer than I expected. Well, please review.


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